In Your Mind…

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My beautiful, angelic four year old son. Brilliant, cuddly, inquisitive, autistic. He cannot communicate well, yet he constantly babbles and tries to communicate with and like us. At times he is calm. He will sit quietly by our side, watching and sucking his thumb. At other times, he is goofy, making faces in the mirror and dancing around. And other times still, impossible to reach and beside himself with frustration.

Lately, something’s been going on in his beautiful mind that I cannot figure out. His diet (gluten free and NO sugar) must be strict or he is like a person frantically trying to break out of prison chains. But his diet has been good – no bad foods for at least two weeks. Maybe it’s a growth spurt? Regardless of the trigger, he’s been different. And dare I admit, difficult. He has been easily agitated and frustrated. He throws things and actually looks for messes to make and things to take apart. Every place we’ve been, church, a store, the farm, park, family’s house… He has been upset. He acts frightened. Or frustrated. He cannot be calmed. I want so badly to know what’s going on inside him. I want to help him. I don’t know what’s triggering this elevated mood and it’s hard as the parent to feel so helpless. I want to scoop him up and hold him, but he won’t let me. I look into his eyes and he into mine… I know there is an understanding there that we will get through this. It’s just one day at a time…

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18 responses to “In Your Mind…

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