Monthly Archives: August 2013

Dear Homeowner’s Association:

In response to your correspondence regarding “Forced Maintenance,” I would like to extend my sincerest apologies that your most recent inspection found our yard to be in violation of the homeowners’ guidelines.  I regret that while pregnant with my sixth child, I have negligently allowed some grass to take up residence in the flower beds, thereby offending the overall appearance of the neighborhood.  Your offer to have a maintenance company come out [within ten days] to correct this problem [for their fee plus a fine] is very generous.  Your great concern for the care of our yard, up to the cost of one certified letter and a regular letter, is greatly appreciated.  However, we will be very happy to take this matter into our own hands and remove the grass as soon as possible.

Sincerely,

Forcibly compliant homeowner.

* Okay, I didn’t really send this, but don’t think I am not tempted!  I am sure they would grumble something about us having too many kids and therefore unable to keep grass out of the flower beds.  I will admit that I have looked at my flower beds and compared them to the perfect beds of the neighbors many times recently.  I guess my other preoccupations and the 100+ weather has taken precedence far too long!  This “forcible maintenance” is just the motivation I was definitely not looking for, but probably need.  For other thoughts on the matter, please see Keeping Up with the Jones.’