The Art of Eating a Gummy Bear

Supposedly, there are many ways to eat an Oreo, a vast difference in the amount of licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop, but who knew there was more than one way to eat a gummy bear?

In my house, there are at least four ways… and counting.

The 10-year old holds each gummy bear to the light, examining it carefully for who knows what.  Then, suddenly, his silence erupts with “NO!  Don’t eat me!!!  I don’t want to die!!!”  And then the bear is eaten.  He does this with every. single. one.  It does not matter how few or how many he has… they all have to beg not to die, then say goodbye to their other gummy bear friends, and then be eaten.

The 7-year old’s gummy bears are actually Ewoks, bravely dying in the fight against the  Dark Side.  And yes, there is monologuing that goes on with the death/consumption of each bear he has, too.  His process is quicker than the 10-year old’s only because he does not feel the strange need to examine each one first.

The 4-year old eats her gummy bears with two fingers, pinky finger slightly raised as though she is sipping tea.  Just like a little lady.

The 2-year old crams the entire handful of gummies into his mouth.  5, 10, 15, 20, doesn’t matter how many… they are all going in there at once.  I guess when you are the little one on the bottom, you must ensure that YOU are the one eating all of your gummy bears, and not a thieving older sibling.  And the only way to do that, apparently, is to shovel them all in at once.

Now, I said there were four ways.  I too have a way of eating gummy bears, but it cannot be considered a fifth way, for it mimics the process of the 2-year old.  I am not afraid of my kids stealing one because I’m not eating them quickly enough, I am just selfish and don’t want to share.  And if I don’t stuff them all in my mouth at once, you can be sure that four little people will be asking for more before I’ve eaten even one…


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