AC (After Children)

* I don’t have a “job,” but I wake up earlier than most people commuting to a faraway land where adults gather together, discuss important adult-ish things, and then get a paycheck for it.

* Instead of having a boss who went to some fancy college with lots of important, framed pieces of paper hanging in their office, I have five little people who are very demanding, impatient and not understanding to scheduling conflicts.  These conflicts range in severity from their own nap times to parental illnesses.  They do, however, have framed handprints and scribbles, I mean, masterpieces, hanging on their walls… and the fridge… and sometimes applied directly to the walls.

* I do not go to a lunch cafe with a crowd of other business suits and discuss important adult-ish things.  Rather, I make and serve breakfast, lunch and dinner within a few hours of each other and discuss the necessity to eat all one’s veggies before dessert, finishing one’s milk, and the personal aggravation of whining and complaining over one’s meal.

* I do not rush out of an office building 15 times a day to inhale a cigarette in five seconds, hoping to relieve a little bit of stress.  I take kids to the park and let them relieve their stress, while I expend all my energy making sure they don’t kill themselves in the process.

* I do not go to important meetings and discuss important adult-ish things.  Instead, I ensure the nutritional and educational well-being of my children by going to grocery stores and libraries.

* When my work day should be done because the kids are in bed asleep, I am too tired to do anything with the other adult in the house, or to have my first adult-ish conversation of the day.  Instead, I go to bed, too, sleeping while somehow still awake, just in case I am called into overtime by a child who screams or cries or decides they need to go to the bathroom or have the water they refused to drink earlier in the day.

* Weeks are not five days long and do not begin on a Monday and end with a Friday afternoon on a golf course.  They are seven days in length and follow a continuous loop pattern.

BC (Before Children)

I can’t remember anything from this time period.  There is little evidence to support that it even existed.


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