Why Pre-Nuptiual Agreements are Crucial

I hate spiders and snakes. My kids have asked if I like little, tiny, barely-visible-to-the-naked-eye dust spiders. NO. What about spiders that don’t hurt you? Hate them, too. The bottom line is, nothing should have eight legs and eight eyes. And for my smart-ass 10-year-old son, and anyone else who will point out that brown recluses only have six eyes… THEY STILL HAVE EIGHT LEGS! And they do wicked damage to their victims. Hate, hate, HATE them all.

Similarly, nothing should have no legs and eerily slither around. Yes, dear children, that goes for non-venomous snakes, too!

When my dear husband and I were still engaged, it came to my attention that he was once a snake and spider owner. Meaning, he willingly caged both a python and a tarantula, kept them in his room and fed them LIVE creatures!  A few times, the snake escaped and was found coiled up in the laundry basket by his mother (ahhhhhhh!!) and once slithering down the hallway for his parents’ bedroom (clearly, the snake had it out for the poor mom).  His mother also told me there were a few occasions when dear hubby would FORGET to put away the nasty spider before falling asleep and she would have to do it for him.

There are a few comments I would like to make before continuing with the meat of the story (hahaha I made a pun!). First: in the laundry basket…. Are you freaking kidding for me? Secondly: who plays with a spider?!  They are not cute.  They cannot play catch or roll over.   Thirdly: how can one go to sleep with a giant spider on the loose??  Something is wrong with my husband…

So I heard these stories with great horror, but the wedding invitations had already been sent out…  But truth be told , I was quite disturbed! So I made him promise and swear in blood to me that no matter how many boys we have, we would never EVER let them have a pet snake or spider.  Of course he agreed.  The wedding invitations had already been sent out.

We now have four boys.

A few days ago, the oldest boy came inside with 3 baby orb weavers. These grow into the huge spiders commonly called banana spiders. He actually tried to run upstairs with them!  He then thought I was naive enough to buy into his story that he was putting them into an escape-proof bug jar for observation purposes.  HA!

But the day I knew would come finally did yesterday.

Out of the blue, the 7-year-old asked, “Mommy, can I have a pet tarantula?”


“Why, because you hate spiders?”

“Yep.”   The 10-year-old then said,

“Yeah, and if you get one, she will just kill it anyway.”  Hahaha!  I didn’t try to defend myself.  He was right.

“You would kill it??”  I felt not one ounce of pity for the boy when I nodded my head.  After a few minutes,

“Well, can I get one when I’m a man?”

“Sure, kid.  When you are a man and NOT living in my house, you can have whatever pet you want.”

To which the 10-year-old replied, “but she won’t come to your house for a visit.”  I didn’t try to defend myself. He was right.

2 responses to “Why Pre-Nuptiual Agreements are Crucial

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