The day has finally come! Payday for Momma! And that means… my biweekly Friday shopping spree!!! *definition one: every two weeks, NOT definition two: twice a week – I WISH!
This day is the highlight of my existence, the forte of my career… it’s even better than wrangling kids for bedtime and haircuts! It is Grocery Day!
Now some weenie moms cringe at the thought of dragging their broad from store to store, but not me! I put on something cute, some hoop earrings, and dress my kids beautifully, and sometimes in coordinating colors (don’t worry, it’s usually blues instead of all pinks for the sake of the one girl). Sometimes I even put on lipstick!!! Watch out boys, here comes Momma!
Because I homeschool, I always have my entourage with me. And because my entourage is impressively large, I always, and I do mean ALWAYS, get told by every other person I walk past that I have my hands full. And you’d be surprised how many times I’m asked if they are all mine! Now, this used to really tick me off, but not any more! I like to wink now and say, “You think this is impressive? I can actually juggle the younger three several feet in the air!” “But sadly, no, they are not all mine. I hired that 10 year-old and 7 year-old up there to walk with me. If you get lonely, here’s my number and you can rent them from me when I’m done today.” And for those who don’t say anything but just stare and point, bring on the judgement! I don’t care! Nothing is getting me down on Grocery Day!!
Today is also the day I get to use my most favorite word in the English language …. NO… about 100 times. We go up and down the aisles as the kids ask for Gushers and flourescent colored chips, cereals with lots of gluten and 1,000 grams of sugar, and toys in the product placement aisle which are unavoidable as you make your way to the checkout (or next to the diapers – each store does it differently, but I personally think that the checkout toys are the best because you have to go there). No, no, no, no, no, NO, HAHAHA ummmm NO!!!!!!! Hehehehehe.
It’s also payday for the allowance-deserving kids. And guess what that means… more shopping!!!! A trip to the fish store? You bet! Half Priced Books? Sure, why not? Target, so you can whine about how everything is more than you have money for and your mommy is so cheap and mean for not getting it for you and now you have to listen to the lesson of saving AGAIN?? Of course, we’ll go there!
And when I’ve exhausted my budget, the kids or myself, whichever comes first, I get to go to… CHICK-FIL-A!!! This is when I pretend I’m not a raw vegan and order myself a bunch of waffle fries, a really big Coke, a chicken sandwich… and a few munchies for my faithful followers, too.
But the best part is getting home and putting away all the leafy green veggies, carrots, the abundance of fruits and seeds and other raw-ish type foods and then just smiling proudly at my happy fridge.
The remainder of the week and the next will be filled with less-than-pleasant meal times as I force feed my children their greens and smoothies with hemp seeds, grass-fed beef, and other ridiculously healthy meals about which they will complain and whine. Except for my oldest son. He eats anything I give him AND asks for thirds. He is perfect. And for any parent who thinks it’s wrong to have favorites, they have obviously NEVER been physically present for a single meal in their child(ren)’s life.